A Shortcut To Building Self-Confidence

Sharon Melnick believes that a key first step on the road to self-confidence is to identify typical hallmarks of uncertain behavior, such as over-promising, interrupting others, procrastinating and overcomplicating issues. Once aware of this conduct, you can better work to fix it and improve your confidence in the future.

  • Indirect way of trying to build confidence:  Acting in a way that gets others to validate you
    • Examples of this
      • Staying late and working hard to get that pat on the back
      • Over-promising on what you can deliver
      • Asking others for opinions
      • Interrupting to show what you know
  • Direct way to build confidence:  Acting towards others so that they act towards you in ways that do not make you feel judged or disapproved of
    • Examples of this
      • Not bringing up ideas (in meetings) even if you think the ideas are good
      • Procrastinating in order to avoid putting ideas up for potential negative reactions
      • Not delegating
      • Staying mired in details/tactics rather than presenting bold strategic thinking
  • Best way to build self-confidence is to “go direct” (vs. manage others’ perceptions of you)
    • Identify the one main result or core vision that you want and how it benefits you
    • Develop/strengthen the skills to make it happen
    • When feeling non-confident, evoke the vision and select behaviors that most contribute to achieving that vision